How To Keep Your Relationship Alive
If you have been married for a while, it's easy to get lost in your busy lifestyles.
Sometimes you just need to stop and smell the roses. Keeping you relationship alive, takes a lot of work, you have to have to be spontaneous and keep things interesting and adventurous.
When you first get married, love in the air, you can't get enough of each other, but after a few years, things slow down, and sometime even comes to a halt.
Some simple ways to keep your relationship alive, will be taking afternoon walks together and reconnecting with each other, upon wakening-up everyday, say something nice to each other before starting your day, surprised each other with breakfast in bed, a back rub to your spouse after a stress day, complimenting each other every day, and stepping out of your comfort zone and doing things a little different occasionally.
All these ideas will bring back the spar that was once there.
Over the years you might put-on a couple pounds that might not be attractive to your mate. Keeping yourself sexy and fit will definitely make your spouse happy. Exercising at lease three times a week will improve your flexibility and overall endurance.
Taking a vacation together will bring back the love that was once there. Most couples get together because they love each other interest, and others for convenience. If your relationship is based on convenience, love really doesn't stand a change to make a come back.
When you find that special someone, it's like finding a million dollars, You want to do all you can for your love, and keeping the relationship alive, after a couple of years past, is very important.
Never give up on love, because there is someone out there for everyone. Lastly, make the time to get your love back into tip-top shape, or it will slip away from you.
About The Author:
Roger King has been helping people with tips and advice to better relationships. Visit his web site http://www.allhomerepairsyourself.com to learn how to get the fire back.
Life Trumps Death
Do you ever ponder the meaning of life? Why are we here? Perhaps these questions surface when we receive news we'd rather not receive, the passing of an uncle, a beloved aunt, a friend's spouse who died for the wrong reason. I'm not sure I believe myself when I justify the news by saying this is the circle of life.
I don't make a habit of reading the obituary columns in the newspaper but occasionally I read about strangers. Many have experienced a long and full life, contributed to society in a meaningful way, were visible within their community. I think how proud their family must be, I also imagine the hurt and grief they are experiencing. I read about the 42-year old father who has succumbed to cancer and leaves behind a wife and two children and I wonder how this is fair. My heart aches when I read about the young child tragically killed in an accident as my eyes fill with tears.
I'm no stranger to death. It scares me and I don't deal well with it. I find death emotionally overwhelming. It is hurt, compassion, sadness, pain, empathy, love all rolled together that hits like a tsunami.
I've lost high school friends to accidents, drugs, and disease. I've seen first hand the impact on a family when their young daughter took her own life. Like so many others, I have said goodbye to relatives only after they have gone.
I don't know why I'm so impacted by death. Its not that I think about it all the time. Maybe I subconsciously fear the loss of a parent, a sibling, a family member. Perhaps I'm selfish, a coward who doesn't want to die.
Young people seldom think of death, they are to busy living life as if they are invincible. Old people tend to prepare for death and accept the event as a natural and inevitable occurrence. Experience and reality have tempered their emotions. The grief and hurt is still there, so is the reflection on the positive aspects of the individual's life. For some, their biggest worry is if they will out live their friends, who will attend their funeral.
Maybe this aging process will help me to become less sensitive to the loss of not only those I love, but to those I have only read about in the newspaper. I am thankful my fear of death is more than offset by my passion for life. So it should be.
So where does this discussion of death take us? It could be to the end of a journey, or the beginning of a new one depending on your beliefs. If you were to have a tombstone, what would it read? Here we are back to the question, what is our mission, our purpose, our goal? One accolade might read, "Here lays an honest person who cared about the people around her, respected others and made a positive difference in the lives of everyone she encountered." If we envision how we want others to remember us, it might provide a valuable compass to aid us down the path of life.
In a perfect world, perhaps caring and understanding might extend well beyond our community and our country. Imagine a common bond based on a desire for truth, justice, peace, and mutual respect.
We can't do a lot about death. We can very much impact life - our own and others.
Clayton Shold's mission is to help sales professionals make more money. He is a member of the Salesopedia community, "The World of Sales from A to Z".
Learn more at www.salesdialogue.com
Are you trying to make the wrong shoes fit?
Last week was an interesting one for me. I returned to L.A. after spending a week in Chicago, mulling over a couple of conversations I'd had with a client while I was there.
I asked him if I could share his story with you, not using his real name and details of course, as I felt there were some lessons here that would benefit my readers. He gave me his permission to do just that.
So, we'll call him Jim for the sake of this story.
Now Jim is a very fortunate man. He's fifty, fit and financially sound. He divorced eight years ago, has grown-up kids and a couple of young nephews he loves as if they were his own. He owns his own business which he's built from the ground up, and which makes him a VERY good living. He plays golf, is passionate about cars, and takes vacations in Hawaii and the Caribbean. In short Jim lives the kind of life many of us would love to be living.
But of course something was missing. Love.
Jim needed to fill the space in his heart, so out and about he went to find a soul mate. He met women online and offline; through dating agencies and friends; through well meaning matchmakers and at professional gatherings; at the theater and even on a plane once. Jim dated some lovely women, but the problem was that none of them was PERFECT.
Jim by now was so set in his ways, that he didn't know how to make room in his life for another 'real person'--he had an image in his head, his dream woman, and none of the real, emotional, flawed HUMAN people he met, seemed to measure up to his 10 out of 10 vision of perfection.
And then he met her. Picture perfect, young, fresh, flawless. He fell hard, just like those avalanches I was talking about last week--completely, chaotically, loudly and MESSILY. Anyone caught in his path got swept away. She was the ONE. Jim moved heaven and earth to woo this delectable young lady, with the face as smooth and beautiful as a piece of fine porcelain. They started dating.
At first all went well. Jim swept her off her feet with lavish dinners, trips to the Spa, weekends away in Vegas, and even a surprise trip to Paris. He bought her gifts, jewelry and flowers every week.
At first she seemed to enjoy Jim's company as much as he did hers. They would talk intensely, laugh at each others jokes, have fun and of course make crazy 'passion.' But before too long, within a matter of only a few weeks, Jim noticed some troubling signs. She's was irritable with him, seemed distracted--bored even. She's make excuses not to see him on certain nights, and when she did, wasn't as affectionate as before.
And her demands got greater too. She was unimpressed with the one carat earrings, and under-whelmed with anything that wasn't from Prada, Channel or some equally prestigious brand name...
Jim started trying harder. More expensive gifts, more exotic trips away, a credit card with a $25,000 limit, and even a sports car. He took more time away from his business, a day here and there, and then a week, or even two. He'd go in late in the mornings, but was struggling to put his heart back in it at all...all he could think about was her, and the creeping dread that he was about to lose his dream.
He started driving by her house those evenings he wasn't with her, snooping through her pockets when he was. Jim got more desperate, she got more dismissive and disgusted with him, and the whole thing spiraled into a car wreck of a situation.
She left him of course. And Jim is still paying a heavy price. Not only did he spend tens of thousands of dollars trying to buy her affection, but he let his business go downhill too, and is now desperately trying to get back to where he was before he met her. It's going to take a long time. Lots of customers are not generous with second chances as Jim is discovering. He let himself go as well, physically, emotionally and mentally. His confidence is battered too.
Jim found out things about himself that he really didn't like: his poor judgement, his superficiality, his almost-adolescent grabbing for a girl half his age, his innate jealousy, his willingness to sacrifice his self-respect. He learnt how fragile the whole facade of his life had been, and how easily it could collapse. These are valuable lessons indeed, but I know Jim would rather never have had to learn them. Yup, Jim squandered money, friendships, peace of mind--even success--chasing vaporware.
Jim knows now that he was wrong-headed. He was thinking with his ego, and his libido, not his heart. That he mistook yearning, for loving. He tried to make something fit that was never going to, like shoes that are way too tight but you keep wearing regardless of blisters, pain and ugly rubbing, because you think if you persevere you'll finally mould those darn shoes to fit you. Yup, Jim was trying to make the wrong shoes fit.
I wanted to share Jim's story, as it's one that as a Life Coach, I see way too often in different versions and flavors. As more and more folks get divorced a great many find themselves single and hopeful that they will get a chance to find love a second, or even third, time around. Some carry a ton of old emotional baggage, others arrive at this place, mature and confident (just like Jim), but nearly all of them arrive with unreasonable expectations. Too many end up trying to force-fit their ideals into a too-tight shoe.
I am a great believer in soul mates. I know that when you are with the right person, it may not be all sweetness and light, you might verbally tussle with each other now and again, you may disagree on lots of things, you may enjoy different past-times, and have different ambitions. You may like different foods, have different friends, spend a lot of time apart, disagree on politics, and vacations. But I also know that NONE of that matters as long as you share a deep mutual trust, respect, affection and connection; an easiness and an openness so that whenever you are together it feels just like coming home after a long, hard trip; a sense of 'safeness' born of knowing that your back is covered by your best friend; a shared, quiet delight in each other that's hard to explain, but that seeps into your bloodstream, warms your heart and that you slip on like a favorite pair of snug, soft, comfortable slippers.
If you're struggling to decide if you're in the right relationship, just ask yourself one simple question: "Am I Trying To Make The Wrong Shoes Fit?"
Burrel Lee Wilks III is America's Most Authentic Life Coach! Find out more about this Streetwise MBA (Master of being Alive) at http://www.burrelstreetwise.com or subscribe to his free newsletter at http://www.TheBurrelReport.com